In My Psychological Shoes

It’s fair to say I’m an ADHD sceptic. I particularly grapple with the ADHD label. I’ve never been part of an “ADHD clinic” partly due to my scepticism, but I feel uncomfortable being part of a process that diagnoses children from a young age. In my view, there are many different developmental pathways children can travel down and I remain curious about who benefits from such a label.

Ambivalence of ADHD Hyperactive Attachment Disorder Insecure Cling Child Parenting Bond Baby

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My scepticism has grown with experience. My curiosity about why a child displays erratic, unmanageable behaviour, and struggles to concentrate remains dissatisfied with the medical perspective. I’ve found when I’ve met with families, I’ve heard stories associated with fearfulness, anxiety, and difficult early relationships (to name a few). I would often formulate that their current concerns were connected to their child’s early attachment experiences and early trauma, rather than ADHD.


ADHD v. Insecure Ambivalent Attachment

The characteristics of ADHD look like an Ambivalent Attachment Style. We know that children who develop this attachment style are unsure if the adult(s) around them are going to meet their needs. This is because their care has been inconsistent. Sometimes their needs are met, sometimes they’re ignored, sometimes intervention is intrusive and intimidating, sometimes it’s shaming. They aren’t sure of what they’re going to get and when they’re going to get it. Such parents tend to be preoccupied with their own needs, rather than their child’s.

The Ambivalence of ADHD Insecure Attachment Disorder Hyperactive Child Kids Baby Bond Attention Clingy Emotions

Picture by Yago Goncalves at Unsplash.

In such circumstances, a child may up the ante, putting considerable effort into being noticed. This maximises their chances of getting the adult’s attention, regardless of the response. These children are highly activated and behave in an impulsive and dysregulated manner that can come with a level of risk taking. Their cognitive capacity, their ability to think, is diminished. They find it hard to concentrate, are more likely to struggle academically, and their social skills are usually impeded. Their world is psychologically unsafe so it pays to be on the go. Yet they can be perceived as needy, maybe clingy, and find it hard to separate from the important adult(s) in their life. In fact, separation is a challenge for them.

The Ambivalence of ADHD Hyperactive Clingy Emotions Parenting Child Children Kids Attention Relationship Bond Baby

Picture by Jordan Whitt at Unsplash

Looking at the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM – 5), all the “symptoms” are behaviours you would find in a child with an Ambivalent Attachment style; a child who has experienced trauma and is fearful and dysregulated. Concerning too is the subcategory which states for ADHD to be valid “symptoms do not occur during a psychotic episode and are not better explained by another mental disorder.” Where is the nod to this being a trauma related presentation? This also raises questions about the misdiagnosis of ADHD which can be avoided through a comprehensive psychological assessment and formulation.


Looking Back…

When I remember some of the families I’ve worked with, I wonder what may have been happening in their lives that could not be spoken about. What did I miss? What wasn’t I told? With these cases, and those who had secured a diagnosis and medication, how much did the diagnosis become a defense, a way of avoiding the real underlying issues? Children speak volumes through their behaviour, making it imperative to remain reflective about what they are showing us when trying to make sense of their presentation within the context of their personal history.

The Ambivalence of ADHD Hyperactive Attachment Disorder Insecure Emotions Parenting Child Children Kids Relationship Bond Baby

Picture by Roi Dimor

What Psychology Can Offer

In formulating psychological difficulties I’m asking what has happened to someone rather than what is wrong with them. I’m not saying that everyone who comes to me has a traumatic history. It’s about being open minded about someone’s life, their experiences, and significant relationships.  By remaining curious and offering safety, attunement, and empathy, reparative experiences can take hold. In my experience, this needs to happen with the parents or carers, offerings them a space to reflect on their child. The aim here is to empower them and to form a collaborative understanding of what might be going on. This includes thinking about difficult periods of the child’s life, and possibly the parent’s, unpicking family/parental trauma that has become the child’s, or thinking specifically about the child’s trauma and what this may mean to them. I have seen change take place through such work: it’s powerful and meaningful.

By focusing on the relationship, both therapeutic and between parent(s) and child, difficult traumatic times can be processed and understood. This allows a different dynamic to form; one that is not defined by trauma or a diagnosis. This permits families to move forward, down a different road than one that was anticipated months before.


The Ambivalence of ADHD Hyperactive Relationship Attachment Disorder Insecure Emotions Attention Baby Bond

Photo by Benjamin Voros